So you’ve been asked to officiate a wedding, Congratulations!!

Officiating a wedding is a tremendous honor, but also one you want to make sure you get right on the first time! Here are the steps you need to take to make sure every wedding you officiate is a success.

Check with the County Clerk and Get Registered

Every state has different requirements in terms of officiating a wedding. For instance, each state has different timelines for the marriage license application and return process. American Marriage Ministries provides the ability to look at each state’s requirements, so make sure to look up the information far ahead of time. If you have any questions, call your local county clerk to double-check what is required of the officiant.

While there are a few different ways to get ordained to officiate a wedding, American Marriage Ministries was quick and painless, provided templates for the ceremony, and made the process easy to understand. When it comes to making sure the marriage you preform is recognized by the state, better safe than sorry. Check and double-check you have completed everything you need to before the big day.

Know the Flow

Every wedding is going to be different. That’s the beauty of a wedding! It should be unique to the couple getting married. However, certain elements can usually be found in a wedding ceremony. Be sure to go through the flow with the couple to know what they are expecting for the service.

The average wedding ceremony includes:

A Welcome Statement: This is an opportunity to welcome those who are gathered, make any important announcements, and set the tone for the service.
Talk about the Couple! A wedding ceremony should be personal. I have written questions below for the couple to help fuel this part of the ceremony. This can include anecdotes and commentary on what makes them such a good couple.
Bring it back around to marriage and why we are gathered to see this couple get married
Vows: These can either be the standard vows performed by the officiant, or they can be vows that are written by the couple and read to each other
Optional Rituals: If the couple is doing any specific rituals, such as a sand ceremony, shawl wrapping, etc., this is where that would traditionally be included
Exchanging of Rings
By the power vested in me by _____ (For me it was American Marriage Ministries and the State of California), I now pronounce you ______. This is the official pronouncement of marriage.

It is 100% okay if the couple wishes to do things differently! Work with them to make sure the ceremony flows for them.

Questions to Ask the Couple

Here is a list of the best items to ask a couple before you officiate their wedding. This includes both logistics questions for the ceremony, as well as relationship questions to draw personal touches and anecdotes into the ceremony.

Logistics Questions

Is there any overall theme that you want to come through during the ceremony?
What tone do you want for your ceremony?
Will you be doing a unity ceremony of any kind? [Unity Candle, Sand Ceremony, etc.]
What role, if any, do you want religion to play in the ceremony?
Does the couple want to read the script before the wedding? If they want to be surprised, but also want to ensure the script is okay, ask if they would like to have their Maid of Honor or Best Man read it.
Is there anything, in particular, you want me to wear while officiating?
Who will be standing upfront with you? Do you want them announced by name as they are walking in?
What will be your processional music?
Will you be exchanging rings? If so, who will be holding the rings?
Do you have any children participating in the ceremony?
What name do you want to go by at the ceremony? For instance, if they usually use a nickname.
Are there any readings you want to be included?
Will you be writing your vows?
How would you like to be announced at the end of the ceremony? Man and Wife? Partners for Life? The New Mr. and Mr. ______?
Do you have an idea of approximately how long you would like the ceremony to be?
At weddings you have witnessed in the past, are there certain things you liked which you want to include or disliked and want to make sure to exclude?
Do you want to recognize anyone by name who can not be there that day (family members who can’t travel, or who have passed)?
Do you want to have me incorporate any announcements? Such as please do not use your cell phones so the photographer has a clear view, or asking the immediate family to remain behind for pictures.

Relationship Questions

Anecdotes can help make a ceremony even more personal. Here are some questions you can ask the couple to bring a more personal touch into the script:

How did you two meet?
What is the story of your engagement?
What hobbies do you like to do together?
When did you know that your partner was the one for you? Tell me about a moment that stands out.
What's the most romantic/thoughtful thing your partner has ever done for you?
Describe your partner to me as if I had never met them before
Tell me 3 things you love most about your partner?
What are you most looking forward to in your life together after the wedding?
Are there any stories or moments that you feel sum up your relationship or you know you want to be shared?
Is there anything I didn’t ask that you would like covered?

Signing the Marriage License

The couple is responsible for picking up the marriage license, but as mentioned, each state has different timelines for the marriage license application and return process. Review the guidance for your particular state, which will include information on the return process, witnesses, etc. Make sure to review the marriage certificate BEFORE performing a marriage (in some states, it is a misdemeanor not to do this!). After such a beautiful day, you want to make sure you fill out the certificate correctly, so the marriage is considered legal. Do this before the alcohol gets flowing and the party gets too busy to make this process as smooth as possible.

And Most Importantly…

Take a deep breath and speak from the heart. Unless you perform weddings regularly, chances are you were asked to officiate the wedding because of the close relationship you have with the happy couple. It is their special day, so work with the couple to design a ceremony that works for them and celebrates their love and relationship. There is no formula for a perfect officiant script, but if you speak from your heart and recognize the joyful union you are bringing together, you will do great.